Saturday, February 25, 2006

Rants and the ranty Ranters who rant them

January 13 10:46 PM

Down to the dirty ...

1) Ziploc storage containers and the people who want theirs returned.

First of all, I didnt ask you to put the food in one of these cheap-o tupperware containers and while they do rule, they wont break your bank account if I keep this one. If you wanted to give me food and not worry about the container put it in a damn ziploc baggie.

2) Making your bed.

Honestly what's the point? If your bed is made right now go in and mess it up just for me.

3) Mouse cords

I am falling in love with cordless mice and just bought two new ones tonight (one is for my laptop). So fuck mouse cords.

4) Giants

I am so sick of any fantasy story relying on the whole concept of giants in any capacity. So what, they are tall and strong - get over it and quit whining. The taller they are the closer you are to their nuts so punch them there and move along. And if you call yourself a giantslayer, I would like your home address so I can come and talk to you.

5) Republicans

These dirty cock suckers dont give a shit about anyone but themselves and the people who can make them more rich or more republican. You show me a poor, sick, malnourished republican and I will shit a breed of monkey - your choice.

6) Denver

So what if you live there? Other than a sorta cool airport, being up that high in the mountains is retarded and not a reason of interest. I am so sick of people not making fun of Denver. Everyone leaves it alone. Odds are they have a lot of dumbasses there and we should seriously start diverting some of our ire and general malcontent towards Denver and it's citizens. Plus giants tend to live in the mountains so I am sure Denver is harboring some fucking giants.

7) Freezer doors with locking mechanisms on them

When was the last giant rash of frozen food bandits? Yeah I thought so. The only reason I can come up with that some freezers still come with locking mechanisms is to continue the classic sitcom plot of the characters becoming locked inside of one.

8) People who think the world hates us ONLY because of Iraq

They hate us for a LOT other reasons than Iraq, it was just the last straw. We are the richest country in the world, yet we contribute less than 1% of our GNP to foreign aid. We are dead last in countries who give out foreign aid. We like to say that we invent new drugs that save millions, but then we try to sell them to these people who are too poor to buy them. Look America is full of a lot of greedy assholes, but that doesnt mean we all are or we all like them.

9) Taco Bell

I remember when you could eat products from there with real meat and they didnt have 8 different crazy ranchero sauces on them and you could do it all for $2.00. Greedy bastards. Put the meat back in your taco's and quit coming out with products that I cant pronounce - like those goddamn apple things.

10) Anyone who has to constantly prove how tough they are

Okay Billy Badass, I get it - you've beat up someone at one point in your life. That doesnt mean you have to prove your desire to be the alpha male during every interaction and then give me attitude because of your inability to actually hold that type of position. Go sit down and drop the manly-man facade and join the rest of the world in doing more important things.

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