As you can tell by the title of the post, I am listening to some Alanis. I love this CD. I used to listen to it over and over while during my first experiences on the internet in Florida. It really takes me back to that time in my life.
Reflecting back, I did not know where I was headed in life and if you would have told me then that I would be doing what I am now, I would have laughed in your face.
I like to think that I have held onto my convictions and dreams, but so much has changed. I am often heard to joke that I am 27 with a body of a 90 year old man. Sometimes it seems I have lived several full life times in the amount of time I have spent on this Earth so far.
The doctor my Dad went and seen this week told him he's got about a year left to live - maybe less if he's not careful. I keep thinking about how lots of people are told that and live much longer - and some less. I think back to a point in my life when I had chosen to try to take my own life. I think about the finality and fragility of it all. What's amazing now though is that it doesn’t sadden me. I actually am relishing in how precious, tender and short it is. Something to be savored and looked back on with a smile instead of a frown. I dont know what's in store my Dad, but I can tell you right now that I respect and love him and that will never die - that goes on forever.
I've known many crossroads in my life and it seems now more than ever I am standing at one again. Where will I be a year from now? Who will be standing with me? Just when you think life has become stagnant you realized it still going on around you and you just blinked for a second was all.
Hug someone you love tonight.