Saturday, February 25, 2006

The Most Expensive Cigarette

Originally posted on: December 17 10:22 AM

Well if I didnt need yet ANOTHER reason to stop smoking, on Sunday I think I smoked the World's Most Expensive cigarette.

No it wasnt a Davidoff Magnum cigarette, imported by The Alexander Group. Billed as 'the World's most expensive cigarette' (costing between $13.60 and $15.55 for a pack of 20, depending on state licence fee). It was a simple Marlboro Light bought right here in Ohio and it cost me $114.00!

I was driving along, well speeding along to go home from a holiday party as I approached a State Trooper. I slowed down to 70mph (in a 65mph zone). He proceeded to back out onto the highway and begin to pursue me. After a short time (apparently while he checked my info) he pulled me over.

While I was waiting for him to come to the car, I threw my cigarette out of the window. Why you might ask? Well I dont have an ashtray in my car and the little cup ash tray that they give you for my car is full of change. I also thought it would be impolite of me to be blowing smoke in this guy's face AND I didnt want him to be nervous and wondering if I was going to flick a lit cigarette at him. Call me crazy but I have an EXTREME fear of being drug out of the car, beaten and hand-cuffed by the police.

He asked me why I did that and I explained to him the same reasons. He told me he needed me to drive slower, noting my other speeding tickets and told me he would be right back. Now if he would have written me up for speeding I would have argued with him as he didnt radar or laser me and when he followed me I was only doing 69 or 70mph.

No he came back with a ticket for littering and proceeded to tell me how big of a nuisance cigarette butts along the road are. I paid my fine today for this and it was, as previously stated, $114. So Merry Fucking Christmas Ohio, I hope you can go out and buy that new, whatever a state would want for Christmas, you had your eye on.

In closing, I dont mean to sound like one of those people who bitch EVERY TIME they get a ticket for something and act like they did NO wrong. I did wrong - if that's what they call wrong - I littered. However I think it's funny that while he stands in the cold writing me this ticket and giving me this lecture that there are prisoners in jails within 10 miles of where this happened snuggled down nice and warm for their long winter naps, when they could be made to go out and pick the shit up we throw along the roads. I mean I could see if it was a McDonalds bag, a Mt. Dew bottle and a 50 gallon drum of dioxin, but it was one cigarette butt.

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